What Happened When Rachel Had A Confession
by haleygirl
Summary: Santana's words got under Rachel's skin more than she let on, and now she doesn't know how to stop thinking of them. Maybe talking to Kurt will help. Contains spanking.
1. Chapter 1

"You need to stop and focus Berry. My psychic Mexican third eye is never wrong. Am I wrong about you?" asked Santana, pointedly.

 _Since when does Santana have the power to make me feel guilty about stuff?_ , Rachel wondered as she sat on the subway later. Ever since they had gone to the clinic together and confirmed her pregnancy scare had been a false alarm, Rachel was having a hard time. Santana was always making her doubt Brody, making her feel bad about being with Finn, and most of all asking really uncomfortable questions that she never had a good defense for. A part of her wished she had never shared about her false positive last week, had come up with some good reason for the stick she'd found— _It was a prop for a scene I'm practicing for my Contemporary Drama class, My gynecologist says all women should practice so they know how to use them…_ Santana had a way of holding the information she had on a person over their head. _What I do is none of her business anyway_ , she reasoned.

Now that she knew she wasn't pregnant she really wanted to forget the whole nightmare entirely. But it gnawed at her. What would she have done if things hadn't worked out? Would she have had an abortion? Had the baby? She thought of all Finn went through when Quinn had convinced him that Beth was his back in high school. This could have brought him into baby drama all over again, only for real this time and without the support system he'd had when he was in high school. She probably wouldn't even audition for _Funny Girl_. Whatever choice she made, she was certain it would have scarred her and her future plans, maybe for good.

By the time Rachel got back to the loft later that day, she had moved from irritation at Santana to full-blown guilt attack. The most embarrassing thing about the situation was that if she had been pregnant, she wasn't totally sure she'd be sure if it was Brody's or Finn's—but she was pretty sure it was Finn's. He didn't have a condom that night. She thought at first they might just fool around a bit, but then she found herself telling him she wanted to have sex again after all. He had offered to go around the corner to the store and get one, but she hadn't wanted to ruin the mood. Truth be told, she thought if he left she'd change her mind before he came back. She had been actively trying not to think of Brody. _One time isn't a big deal_ , she'd told herself. She would have had to tell Brody that she'd slept with Finn at the wedding. On the other hand, there had been once or twice with Brody where the condom had broken—so it was possible it would have been his. _I didn't even look into getting a morning-after pill those times. What's wrong with me?_ The more she thought of what could have happened, the more clear it was to her that this really would have been a nightmare. _I can't afford to make mistakes like this._

Rachel hung up her coat and walked over to the couch, where Kurt was in the middle of a _Facts of Life_ marathon. She sat next to him.

"Hey," Kurt said, distracted.

"Hi," she responded quietly.

Kurt looked over at her, concerned. "You okay?"

Rachel shrugged. Kurt paused the TV. "Something happen?"

"I'm trying to decide if I want to tell you something or not."

Kurt eyed her. "Did you bomb your theatre history paper? I told you to get the TA to look over your first draft-"

Rachel groaned. "No. It's nothing like that. But… it is sort of something you might… kinda not approve of."

Kurt nodded, waiting, noting that she was fidgety. "Something you think you'd… be in some trouble for?" he ventured.

Rachel grunted at that. "I'd say so," she said, not making eye contact.

Kurt wondered what was going on. It was pretty unusual for Rachel to come to him with a confession, especially lately. Since Brody had moved in they'd kept discussions of their arrangement even more on the down low—Kurt had a hunch that one of the reasons Rachel was so impulsive in letting him move in was the possibility of getting out of punishment more often, actually. A part of him had wanted to tan her backside the day he'd found out, just on general principle that she hadn't even consulted him on how he'd feel about having an extra roommate all of a sudden. But addressing the Brody situation danced awfully close to talking about Rachel's sex life, and for the most part he really didn't want to know.

"Well. Out with it. If you're feeling guilty it's just going to eat you up inside, you know."

Rachel whined. "You're going to be mad."

Kurt sighed. "Are you worried I'm going to be mad because you don't want

me upset, or because you think if I'm mad you'll be punished worse?"  
"Both maybe?"

Kurt was actually sort of intrigued to know what was causing this must angst. Maybe she'd gotten into it with Cassie July again? Or maybe it was something between them, like she forgot to pay the rent?

"Well if I'm going to be mad let's get it over with. Whining and stalling isn't going to change anything."

Rachel pouted a moment, looking at her hands.

"…I-slept-with-Finn!" she blurted. "At the wedding. I mean, the non-wedding, or… whatever."

Kurt's eyebrows raised. "That's what you came to tell me?"

"Yes, I'm really sorry, I know I shouldn't—"

"Rachel. Seriously. I really don't care." Kurt was having a hard time holding back a chuckle.

"Y-you don't?"  
"I mean, I don't particular want the gory details about it, and I'm not going to say I've ever been… enthusiastic about you and my stepbrother… having relations, but… you're a grown woman, do what you want."

"You should be mad! It was cheating!"

"If I was Brody maybe I'd be mad, but frankly you two keep talking about your modern and open relationship I half thought that meant you were free to have some on the side."

"Kurt!"

"I've been trying to stay out of your sex life, Rachel! I have enough problems. And while I support you in whatever you choose to do, I can't say I'm much of a fan of Brody anyway so it's honestly a little difficult for me to get worked up about you having a one-night stand with someone who wasn't him."

"It wasn't a one-night stand, it was Finn. It's not like I—"

Kurt had to chuckle. "Now you're upset I'm not treating you having sex with Finn seriously enough?"

"I'm just saying, it's not like I slept with just anybody. I mean… there's always the chance we'll get together again someday or…"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Sure. Whatever. But I can assure you that I have no interest in punishing you for a hookup with an ex at a wedding. Especially since… I'm kind of guilty of that too." Kurt said, color rising his cheeks.

Rachel looked at him. They hadn't discussed it. "I sort of… figured."

Kurt nodded. "To be honest, I sort of figured about you and Finn too," he said. "Rachel, everyone hooks up at weddings."

Rachel sighed. "Yeah but that's not what this is about."

"Then what is it?" Kurt asked.

"You can't tell anyone about this. Santana figured it out but I can't have Brody or Finn know, or—"

"What?" Kurt said, confused.

Rachel fingered the seam on the couch, nervous. "Kurt. I—I had a pregnancy scare. This week."

Kurt's eyes widened. "What do you mean—"

"I had a pregnancy test and it was positive and—"

"Oh my God. Do you know who's—"

"I—no—but Santana took me to the clinic and they said it was a false alarm. I don't know if it was just a mistake, or if technically I had a miscarriage, or—"

"Holy shit," Kurt murmured, the air falling out of him at the news that she wasn't actually pregnant.

"…Yeah. So… I guess it's over. And… I don't regret being with Finn that night, even with Brody and everything… You don't regret your night with Blaine, do you?"  
"No. It was… sort of amazing actually. And… just what I needed."

Rachel nodded. "It meant a lot to be with him like that again. It was fun. Even if I don't think we can really be a couple right now, we had this night."

Kurt nodded. "Like I said, I'm not going to judge you on this, Rachel."

"He offered to go out and buy condoms, and… I said—I said not to bother."

"Wait. You're not on the birth control pill?" This wasn't information Kurt had particularly wanted to know before a few minutes ago, but he had just assumed.

Rachel tensed. "N-no. We'd always had condoms and—"

"Wow." Kurt was speechless.

"Even when he was my first, we always did. And I make Brody too—just this time… And when I thought I was pregnant it was either that time, or like a couple times the condom broke with Brody but… I've just been thinking how stupid I am, how close this came to a total disaster," Rachel confessed.

Kurt nodded slowly. He put a hand over Rachel's twitchy fingers, waiting for her to raise her eyes to his. He spoke in a low voice. "Rachel. Tell me why you wanted me to know this."

Rachel hesitated, her eyes watery. "I think this was… really bad. Like career threatening bad."

Kurt nodded.

"I can't… afford to make mistakes like that."

Kurt looked her over, neutral. "You're right. You should be punished."

Rachel took a breath. "…You told me that sometimes with Blaine… you didn't just…use your hand?"


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt pursed his lips. She really was examining the weight of her actions about this. He was proud of her, in a strange sort of way. He took her hand.

"You must be feeling pretty badly to bring that up."

Rachel sniffled and nodded. "I was just thinking… I really don't want to make this mistake again. Like not about Finn but—"

"I understand." Kurt soothed.

"Santana was a comfort, in a way, but now that it's over… I just can't talk to her about this. And I'm sorry if it all makes you uncomfortable—"

"No, it's okay. You did the right thing. And I don't have to be comfortable all the time. It's not your job to… put me at ease."

Rachel nodded, dabbing a tear from her eye. "I know our arrangement is… you decide these things… sir," she added for good measure, "and I don't really want to be punished at all, but you had said that after we did this for awhile there might be a time when you'd think I'd… need something more."

Kurt nodded. "I remember."

"And this is just… the most irresponsible thing I've done in a long time. Like Finn totally would have gotten them if I hadn't pushed back on it…"

"Rachel it wasn't just your responsibility, he could have said no too. He could have said 'We're not doing this without protection.'"

"I know. But… I can be kind of manipulative sometimes," she admitted, her face reddening. "And even if it's on him too, I shouldn't have put him in that position in the first place."

Kurt sighed. "I get it." He thought for a moment. "Rachel, didn't you tell me when we first started talking about doing this, that there were sometimes your dads spanked as a kid?"

Rachel nodded. "I think so. I mean, I'm sure at least a couple times when I was real young, but not since like kindergarten."

"They always used their hand?"

"Yeah. Far as I even remember."

"Well, Blaine mostly got punished that way as a kid too, though… for a lot longer. And I think maybe once or twice his dad might actually have taken a belt to him and his brother, but it was super rare. But once I asked him what his parents did if they thought he'd done something extra bad. He told me that usually if he was really naughty as a kid, his mother would turn him over her knee and spank him with a wooden spoon. And I guess part of what made it effective was that it was always in the kitchen drawer, and sometimes she could just take it out without even threatening and they'd toe the line. And he'd see it all the time when his parents were cooking—it was a reminder. Of course I'm sure he never wanted a spanking at all, but there was a limit to how far he'd dare push things, because I guess he really didn't want to get his bottom spanked with that spoon."

Rachel squirmed a bit and nodded, no longer able to keep eye contact with Kurt. "Makes sense. S-so that's what you did for him, too?" she asked, timidly.

"Not at first. But he did something I considered egregious at some point and we talked about it and decided that he needed more. And after that it was mostly just for big things—like if he completely defied me, or got caught in a big lie. Never the petty stuff. Sometimes a regular spanking would get him teary, and sometimes it wouldn't, but the spoon always got him crying pretty quickly, and he said that the sting lingered a lot longer after."

"It sounds painful." Rachel said quietly.

"I'm sure it was. It made an impression. But I only used it when it was deserved. I could have used something else sometimes—a ruler, or a switch or something I guess—but it was easy to just have that around and I think a lot of why it helped him was it was such a personal thing to him. And it always had a certain amount of stakes to know he'd really messed up enough not to just get a little hand spanking. He took it to heart."

Rachel nodded. They'd never told Blaine about their arrangement. It had started after Kurt and Blaine had broken up. Sometimes Kurt shared stuff that was really personal like this, and they felt a little guilty—like they were talking about him behind his back or something. But Rachel really did feel better hearing how it was with Blaine in a way, even though the other details of her relationship with Kurt were obviously very different. She felt a kinship with him over this that she assumed she'd never be able to talk to him about.

"Now, what I'm hearing is that you agree that… you deserve to be punished?" Kurt asked, putting on a more authoritarian voice.

Rachel nodded, her face crumpling slightly.

"Verbal answers, young lady." Kurt gently commanded.

Rachel took a breath. "Y-e-es sir."

"You need a good spanking young lady. It's your responsibility to make good choices and this was reckless."

A tear slid down Rachel's face. Usually she pushed back on a scolding, more often than not getting herself in deeper hot water. But right now there was something of a relief in having it all laid out on the table.

"I'm proud of you for recognizing it and coming to me about it. It's not easy to admit that you deserve to be disciplined."

A small smile crept onto Rachel's face for a moment at the praise. She hadn't thought of it that way but maybe going to Kurt with this was a kind of progress for her? They'd started doing this in part with the hope that she'd do less stupid things if she knew she'd get punished for them. But owning her faults and missteps was always half the battle for her.

Kurt rubbed his hand on Rachel's back. "I've considered it and I do think you'd… remember better if you were punished with something extra this time."

Rachel chewed her lip, her eyes watery again. She sniffled and forced herself to say, "Yes sir."

Kurt had compassion for what she was going through. Sometimes it was easier to do this when she was just being a brat. He forced himself to keep his voice steady.

"If you're going to be this irresponsible after all our work on accountability, it does seem like I need something more to get your attention."

"I understand sir," Rachel whispered.

Kurt looked over at the kitchen. He was sure they had a wooden spoon somewhere, but he'd need to dig around to find it. He had a ruler in his little office at Vogue dot com that would fit the bill perfectly, but it wasn't here. His eyes glanced over to the door to the bathroom.

"I think I know a way to make it clear you're expected to make better choices young lady."

Rachel looked at Kurt, her stomach dropping. She wondered what he was going to do. He had a way of dragging this part out that made her guilt churn harder inside her somehow.

Kurt eyed the door. He knew both Brody and Santana were out, but it made him nervous anyway. He cleared his throat. "We should… take this into your room in a bit."

Rachel swallowed. It was getting real. "…Yessir."

Kurt turned her chin, forcing him to look at her. "I'm not going to go overboard here, Rachel. It's going to hurt, longer than usual I'm sure. But I know you already understand the gravity of your poor choices. I don't know what you're expecting but I'm not ever going to be interested in… beating you. You're going to be punished and then you're going to let this go, understand?"

"Yessir," Rachel whispered.

"I want you to go sit on your bed and think about what you should have done differently. I'm going to get your hairbrush from the bathroom."

Rachel tensed for moment but did not complain, understanding. "Yessir…" she murmured. She tried to force herself to stand, but then chickened out, burying her face in Kurt's shoulder, crying. Kurt gave her a couple moments but reminded himself that she didn't come to him for coddling. He took her by the chin again, keeping his voice fairly quiet, but stern. "I said you need to go to your bedroom," he told her. He stood up, pulling her up with him. "However bad you're feeling, or however much you're not looking forward to being punished, I expect you to follow directions, young lady," he lectured, turning her in the direction of her privacy curtain and delivering a sharp swat to her bottom.

Rachel jumped at the sensation, tensing. "Yes sir. I'm sorry sir," she breathed, scurrying to her room.

Kurt watched her disappear behind her privacy curtain and then crossed the room to go into the bathroom. He found what he was looking for right in the middle of her shelf. It was a small wooden brush with a medium weight to it. Shorter than the spoon and slightly heavier. He had seen it every day since they moved in. A hairbrush seemed right for Rachel, he mused. It would always be around without drawing any attention, and seeing it regularly might remind her of past transgressions, keep her focused on her goals. When it came right down to it, Rachel could be a lot naughtier than Blaine, and she might actually need this kind of attention more than he had. This was the first time, but he expected it was unlikely to be the last.


	3. Chapter 3

Rachel waited nervously on the edge of her bed, hearing Kurt's footsteps. The screech of the privacy curtain opening had her holding her breath. She looked at Kurt. His tall figure created a shadow against the curtain. She wasn't afraid of him, more… ashamed that he knew how stupid she'd been. Maybe she was being hard on herself. Some people take risks like this all the time, she told herself. Maybe she didn't need to be punished… at least not so hard? She looked at Kurt's hand, holding the hairbrush she had just used this morning. It wasn't very big, but she couldn't help but wonder how badly it would sting.

"Have you been thinking about your actions young lady?"

Rachel nodded, nervousness bursting forth from her. "I—maybe—wh-what if I said—I can promise Kurt, I pr-promise this isn't going to happen again." Her hands were rubbing together anxiously as she tried to come up with some excuse, some deal to be struck now, some…

"Oh no. None of that little girl." Kurt's eyes seem to bore into her. "You don't get to talk your way out of getting punished when you know very well you deserve it." His voice was stern, sending a shiver into her.

"I'm n-not trying to—"

"I asked you a question. Answer it. Have you been thinking about the poor choice you made?"

Rachel's face crumpled. "…ye-es sir," she whimpered.

"That's good practice then. Because I want you thinking about it when I spank your bare little bottom young lady. You're going to remember this the next time you think you can be irresponsible without any consequences."

"Yessir." Rachel blubbered, the fight leaving her.

Kurt crossed close to her and Rachel's shoulders tensed, anxious. He sat down next to her. "Hold it," he said, passing her the hairbrush.

Rachel shakily took the brush, feeling the weight of it in her hand. She looked at the bristles, the oval shape, her thumb brushing against the smooth wood. She sniffled, running several fingers across its flat back.

Kurt leaned closer to Rachel's ear. "You knew better," he reprimanded. "If you're not going to be responsible about it you have no business having sex. You know that."

"Yes sir," Rachel whispered.

"You're getting a good old-fashioned spanking for acting irresponsibly. You're not a child but I have no problem treating you as one if it's going to get you to make better choices young lady."

Rachel wiped at her face, feeling pretty small now.

"I'm going to warm you up good with my hand, and then I'm going to spank your bottom with your hairbrush so you know how serious this is."

"I—I do, sir." Rachel murmured.

"Alright then." Kurt took the hairbrush and laid it beside him on the bed. "Over my knee, Rachel." Kurt's voice was low, commanding. Whatever piece of Rachel still wanted to stall was too intimidated to argue. She shakily hobbled up and crawled over his knee, her torso across the bed and covering her face with her hands on the blanket.

Kurt lifted up her gray dress, revealing her white panties underneath. "Not to be rude, Rachel, but there were safety concerns you didn't consider here. You and Finn are broken up. You don't know that he hasn't slept with someone else the past few months. A pregnancy scare may have gotten your attention, but I don't think getting an STD would have been pleasant either."

Rachel scowled into her hands. She didn't want to think about Finn sleeping with someone else. Even if Kurt was right.

"Am I right?" Kurt pressed.

"…Yessir." Rachel reluctantly replied.

Kurt adjusted her over his lap and then pulled her panties down to her knees with both hands. "What you did was naughty and reckless, and around here naughty girls get their bare bottom spanked. And if I ever hear of you being this irresponsible again, you'll get spanked twice as long and then be writing lines for me sitting on your hot bottom, you hear me?"

Rachel felt hot tears coming down her face. "Yes sir," she whimpered, feeling sorry for herself now.

SMACK. The first slap of Kurt's hand against Rachel's bottom echoed through the loft. SLAP-SMACK came the next ones, causing Rachel to hiss at the sting. Kurt chose not to lecture further. She knew she'd been wrong. She just needed him to focus on thoroughly warming her bottom so she'd never consider trying this again. SMACK-SMACK-SMACK came his unforgiving spanks, quickly building a steady rhythm of pain across Rachel's vulnerable fanny. Even when truly apologetic, Rachel wasn't one to take a punishment quietly, and he quickly had her whimpering as the unpleasant sting built. After sharp swat to her sit spots she yelped, and began squirming over his knee, crying.

"It hurtssss," she complained.

Kurt swatted areas of her bottom that were more pink than red. "Good. It's meant to hurt, Rachel." She whimpered louder, feeling the steady chastisement of his slaps continuing.

After another minute of this, Kurt paused, flexing the sting from his hand. Rachel was sobbing into the bed, her bare bottom hot and chastised. Examining the punished bottom across his lap, he shook his head. Half of him wanted to stop here, but Rachel was right. This wasn't some little chore forgotten, or a flash of disrespect to a teacher. Making sure she didn't make poor choices was why they began doing this, and this was a pretty big one. If even she could admit that she deserved a more intense punishment than usual over this, it was up to him to deliver it.

Kurt picked up the hairbrush and steadied it in his hand. He tightened his grasp on Rachel, expecting her squirming to likely increase. He took a breath and brought the brush down, SMACK, on her right cheek—sending Rachel blubbering immediately. He then quickly redirected to the left cheek and punished it with another SMACK of the brush. Rachel's bottom bounced over his knee at the pain. She knew he was taking this seriously. He held her tight as he commenced to light a fire to her sit spots with the hairbrush, the flat oval brush quickly stinging back and forth in a succession of sharp SWATs.

"Ow! Okay OKAAYYY Owwww…I'm sorryyyyyyyyyy!" Rachel yelped. She sputtered apologies as the hairbrush continued to warm her backside. It felt like it would never end. She tried to reach a hand back to cover her bottom and Kurt deftly grabbed it before it collided with the brush.

"No young lady," he scolded. "You earned this spanking. It's done when I say it's done."

Rachel sobbed miserably as he locked her hand in place on her back and continued to SPANK her with the hairbrush. He was slower now, examining her bottom and then choosing a target. Each SWAT elicited a new exhausted whimper from Rachel. Finally he felt that her bottom had been covered evenly with sting and he put the hairbrush down. He let go of her hand and rubbed her back, feeling her breathing as she sobbed in shame.

"It's done, honey. You've been punished," he soothed. "No more."

Somehow this made Rachel whimper louder. "It huuuurrrrts," she whined.

"I know. Your bottom is quite red right now, I can tell. But when you need a spanking with the hairbrush it's going to hurt," he said. "And I suspect you'll find it's going to keep hurting quite a bit longer than it does when I just spank your bottom with my hand alone."

Rachel sighed, miserable.

"Don't like the brush," she pouted.

Kurt helped Rachel to her feet, pulling her panties back up as he spoke. "Well we're keeping it around because it seems like it gets your attention. And maybe whenever you see it you'll think of how your bottom's feeling right now and remember that you have to be responsible if you don't want to earn it again."

Rachel sniffled. "Yessir," she whispered, chastised. She leaned into him and he stood to embrace her.

"You're okay," he soothed as she cried into his shoulder. "That wasn't fun but you're going to be okay."

Rachel nodded against his chest.

"You did really well," he praised. "You knew you needed to be punished."

Rachel cried, squeezing him hard as his hands brushed along her back soothingly. Her bottom felt like it was on fire still; she didn't want to think about sitting, moving—she could only hope it would feel better by tomorrow morning when she was back in dance class. There was no way she was going to do something this stupid again.


End file.
